Empathy is the Bridge

Ruptures in relationship happen. There is failure to understand; failure to repair; to forgive; to return to love.

But there’s a bridge between people. It’s there to facilitate connection, to bring back love. It’s called Empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand how and why someone can feel the way they do, even if it’s not the way you feel. Empathy is required.
Because, without it, when emotion overwhelms, the love between you can easily collapse. 

 
There was just too much water, too much feeling not understood, not connected with. There was not enough Empathy for each others’ feelings, no matter how different. You didn’t say to each other:  I understand; I can see how you might feel that way. Understanding is love’s most important need.

All that sense of not being understood, of not being loved as you are, wears away an indispensable but very fragile link between the two of you, breaking you apart with the force of anger.

Between humans, the bridge is never concrete, never strong as steel. It’s made of rope; it sways; you are afraid to test it. Far below, pain awaits if it doesn’t hold. There is always risk crossing that fragile rope-bridge called love. You could fall out of love. You could be left misunderstood, uncared for.

You will inevitably huddle on one side at times, gripping the burden of a difficult past, heavy with feelings. Will you be understood if it all suddenly drops, leaden, on the other’s toe? Because it will.  Both of you are only human.  You are both wounded, flawed, sensitive.  

You would like to call out, from your side of the bridge, before you even venture one step into loving another: “Hello???  I just need to know before I try this swaying rope: have you had a difficult past, too? Were you ever abandoned and deeply misunderstood? Were you ever terribly alone? Do you know how to be kind?

But who starts out that way?  You just go for it, and then, somehow, at some time, the ruptures happen.  

Empathy is the bridge, at this time, at this place, and here is the other that you must try to understand, then apologize to, forgive as well, care for despite their otherness, their irritating differences. This is your chance.

Try to understand how they could feel the way they feel.  Even if its not the way you feel.  Imagine.  Empathize.  Then reassure them:  tell them their feelings make sense to you.

And watch them relax. Reeturning, with you, to love.